20th
i keep
having these nightmares about him trying to get back with me. he always finds me, pulls me aside to talk, and then tries to make a move. every time i run away and tell him to leave me alone. god it hurts so much, these nightmares keep haunting me and making me relive the pain.
why did he have to do this? it didnt have to be like this. what we had is only a memory, he is only a memory now. part of me does miss it. i do miss him. i loved him. he was my everything. but he never loved me the way i loved him. he never reciprocated completely. just think of the way he handled fights and how he battered you down with hurtful words. think of everything that has happened. think of how it could NEVER be the same again. even if he did come back, you would realize that it could never work. every time you looked in his eyes you would remember. every time you kissed his lips you would remember him kissing anothers. you could never have sex with him again. you could never accept him saying “i love you” again. you could never trust him completely again. you could never fully forgive him for what he did.
writing is very therapeutic. its interesting to see how my feelings completely changed through my writing. im feeling a bit better.
