November 2010
4 posts
in. love.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jnuIGr10WBQ&playnext=1&list=PLE6FFE252A64E9EF4&index=32
waiting
for someone to notice that i am alive….
anger
stop being sad, start being angry. sadness for too long just makes you mope around and you become vulnerable and a pushover and give in easily. be sad for a bit, let it all out, but then turn it into anger so you wont let it happen again and you wont get screwed over. im shutting the door. ive held it open for far too long for too many people, hoping that someone would want to come inside and see...
...
when your love has gone
you carry on
this is a song for no one.
October 2010
4 posts
feeling
so empty inside
ugh
stay strong. hes absolutely disgusting, you want nothing to do with him anymore. how could you be so wrong about someone. how could feelings of love turn into such repulsion? the thought of him makes me sick. i have nightmares about him. they are scary at the time, of him trying to come onto me and get back together again. i wake up in the morning praying that it was all just a nightmare. sigh of...
life is
fucking DIFFICULT. something good must be coming. im so impatient. i want it to come nowwwwww
AGREEEEED.
If you want it, you can have it But you’ve got to learn to reach out there and grab it ‘Cause everybody wants some love Shooting from the stars above And though my heart will break There’s more that I could take I could never get enough If you need it, you should show it ‘Cause you might play so monastic that you blow it ‘Cause everybody wants some hope Something they...
September 2010
14 posts
hoping
but i know our filthy hands can wash one another’s
and not one speck will remain.
maybe this weight was a gift
like i had to see what i could lift
…..
and i did it. i can happily say that I DID IT! pretty much without anyone there. i got through it, and maybe just maybe im getting my prize…
THERE IS A GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
if this works out, i will honestly believe that life IS fair and that everything happens for a reason and that good things do come around to good people AND that there is a god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! asl;dkfjsla;slkdfj salk;sldkjf =))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) i cant believe it
there IS blame for how our love did slowly fade
and now that its gone, its like it wasn’t there at all
i do
miss you. i loved you so much. i wouldve done anything for you. you were everything to me and i was so in love with you. but now we can never be again. im angry at you for ruining us. you were careless with my heart. maybe we werent meant to be. im angry at myself that i let this happen to me. im angry that i found so much good in such a bad person. well now it is crystal clear who you really are....
human beings
are so complex, and so beautiful! if you are 100% honest and comfortable with yourself and dig really deep, im talking REALLY deep in the crevices of your being, you will discover so much! whether its good or bad….
so i was driving my grandma home tonight, and on the 20 min drive back i started thinking. and i discovered my major flaw/issue. im writing it here so i wont forget. ive been...
1
At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just not facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world, six billion souls. And sometimes… all you need is one.
i want to see who i really am.
”Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are.”
2 steps forward, 5 steps back
sometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been and remember the person you were meant to be. the person you wanted to be. the person you ARE.
you know what, NO
im not going to let life trample me like this
im done being sad and negative. im becoming this dark, vengeful person and its not who i am. i need to get back to how i used to be. for the first time i can honestly see myself going down the wrong path and becoming someone that i dont want to be. i know who i want to be, and before all of this i was getting there. this is just a detour. im not going...
worst summer of my life.
lost my boyfriend, 2 best friends, and consequently, part of myself. im now questioning who i am. am i a bad person? am i the cause of all of this? who am i even? and what am i doing. im so confused, i have absolutely no one to talk to. jenna wrote me a long letter saying she doesn’t want to be friends anymore. even my best friend abandons me. stevie abandons me and uses me over and over...
so upset =(
who knew it would be this hard
and who knew id have to do it all on my own
triggers
sometimes love comes around and it knocks you down,
just get back up when it knocks you down.
so many triggers. it could be a song on the radio, a place in pasadena, that triggers a memory, emotions. i cant deny how badly i am hurt by this whole thing. but there is nothing i can do. i cant turn back. i cant take back what he did, and neither can he. and he will never change or learn.
today i...
nada el surfo
i had the blankest year, i saw life turn into a t.v. show
it was totally weird
the person i knew, i didn’t really know
my high school drama was too ridiculous to be true. it was like a soap opera everything was interlinked and fucked up. fucking psycho bitch is best friends with stevie, i start dating him, i dont want him around her. michaels my best friend, stevie doesnt want me hanging...
August 2010
19 posts
wow
i’m so stupid.
just wow
so
you dont know where your going, and you wanna talk
you feel like your going where youve been before
youll tell anyone who will listen but you feel ignored
nothings really making any sense at all
you cant always get what you want
& i wouldnt have it any other way.
think of it this way
life is too short to take for granted. yah it fucking sucks sometimes, specifically now. shit happens to everyone and i have definitely had my fair share. im so frustrated with everyone it seems like life is unfair. some dumb bitch comes out on top and leaves me with nothing. but i am a firm believer in karma. think of it this way: because things are so shitty right now, something amazing must be...
17
more days in this hell hole
so my life right now
its weird, i dont know exactly how to describe it. ive never been in this state before. becoming a LOT more independent, doing things on my own. i guess all this time ive been focusing on making other people happy and now i am focused on making myself happy. hence a lot of exercise and going to the gym, eating healthy, and self-reflection. im even trying to read a book! once i get through these 18...
gavin degraw
cleanses the soul
music
trying to remember when i could fix anything with sound
beautiful beat get me out of this mess
beautiful beat, lift me up from distress
stay strong
only a month left and you are FREE
i know i can do it, and i will.
just keep believing in yourself and look toward the future. it will pay off i promise. you can do it. stay positive! take this time to focus on yourself, you deserve it. you can do it you can do it! you’ve come this far and you’re almost there. ive got it.
....
i cant help it though!!! i cant stop smiling
i have nothing to lose, at least now hes talking to me again. :D
whoaaaaaaa
wait a second. dont get your hopes up. expect nothing.
=)
hope? could it be?
=)))))))))
cross your fingerssssss
i keep
having these nightmares about him trying to get back with me. he always finds me, pulls me aside to talk, and then tries to make a move. every time i run away and tell him to leave me alone. god it hurts so much, these nightmares keep haunting me and making me relive the pain.
why did he have to do this? it didnt have to be like this. what we had is only a memory, he is only a memory now. part...
cause
i built you a home in my heart, with rotten wood meant to cave from the start
a guy that inspires me….moves me forward, not backwards. i can imagine what that would be like and it seems amazing. i cant wait
i want someone
who inspires me to be good, to be a better person. i want a guy who is kind, honest, and makes me smile. thats why i think im drawn to him, but now the question is, how do i get him to notice me?
positivity
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
on a slightly negative note: pretty disappointed in him, not gonna lie…are there any honest people left? what the fuck happened to morals
…….
and now back to being positive
+++++++++++++++++ =)
strong & independent
thats what i am, and thats what ill be.
bummed
nothing to say.
July 2010
13 posts
closure
a weight has been lifted from my heart, and now it can heal. thank you
change.
there are days when i really do miss him. i know the person that he is and he is not a bad person. i know that he is hurting and i want to comfort him and help him overcome it and be a better person. but then i remember, he would never comfort me. he would never try to take the pain off of my shoulders and put it onto his own. i cant help him, ive tried, but i just get hurt in the process. and for...
body image
probably the hardest thing about being a teenager.
=/
times change, sometimes you don’t fit in peoples lives anymore
things will never be like it used to
but you know they will always be there if you need them.
just keep smiling :D
something good will come your way
jordan
my biggest regret. he treated me the way i deserved.
its okay
one day at a time! stay positive!
jade:
it may be hard now, but you’re going to feel so much better in a couple of months. you will be free. you will have a new chance to find someone that you deserve. STAY STRONG =) you have great friends and family that will help you get through this.
as for him: it may be easy now, but he’s going to realize over time that this was a huge mistake. if he does have a heart, it will eat away...
i may be hurting now, but your selfishness will ultimately leave you alone in the end.